Sunday, May 1, 2011

When Rest Gets In the Way

What's the greatest obstacle to living life with intention? For me, it depends on the day. Some days, the answer is easy: time. Discipline (or more accurately, utter lack thereof) and habit are biggies for me. But on a day like today, the answer is more subtle. All day, I looked forward to sitting down to write, but the hours dissolved, one by one, almost concealed somehow from view.

Perhaps I shouldn't be too hard on today. It did, after all, include two (yes, TWO) choices to spend time with people who matter to us. My husband and I enjoyed brunch with friends, then drove to the burbs to see our 15-year-old niece's volleyball tournament. By the way, the girl can spike!

So what's this emptiness that's followed me since we returned home? It's possible I have a theory, but only because I've been trying to figure it out for for three paragraphs already. I want to spend time on the doing, the actual taking part in the world. But on the days when one of us isn't at our best (tiredness, depression, or anxiety, anyone?), a girl's got to rest. The simple act of taking care of ourselves is one of the most important things we do. I get that. Now, if only I could learn to let go of the (myriad, meaningful, stupendous) things that didn't happen because of it . . .

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